Me too, I just have one last rites.
I don't know, if it's a comfort to know, that I some years ago killed off my to date flattest and largest godefroyae fma. leucochillum, NS 11 cm (compared to this one's NS 8 cm). It's still a rather traumatic experience, when I think of it.
It's probably a good idea to keep in mind, that what is posted in these pages are the more succesfull of our endeaveours as orchid growers (except in the "Problems, pests & diseases" forum, of course). I've considered, that one day, when I retire from my current position, maybe it would be appropriate to propose the moderators to create a forum, where 'Grief counseling for orchidist' can be offered?
Indeed, for myself, it has been a great comfort to learn from our local mastergrower, whom I consider my mentor in all things orchiadic, mr. Hans Christiansen (as in Paph. hennisianum fma. christiansenii and Phrag. christiansenianum), that things can also go awry even for him. And on the other hand: to see him still - after 50+ years as professional, orchid nursery owner - experimenting with new methods or adjustments in his quest for optimizing his growth regimes for the wealth of orchids in his nursery is a great inspiration and encouragement!