Joke Of The Day

[Shiva]

Totally lost in translation!

From New Scientist magazine.
DO YOU enjoy eating cabbages? We're not sure whether the teenager known online as binarypigeon does, but her mother tells us that when she wanted to test the limitations of online automatic translation systems, she typed the phrase "I enjoy eating cabbages" into one. She told it to translate this into Japanese - and then translate the resulting phrase back into English, and then translate that to another language, and then back to English, and so on.

After approximately 20 such translations, binarypigeon's simple statement had turned into: "Therefore, that is eaten because of possibility of fact of thing of possible possibility, designated that and that of a certain specification regarding that reason being shown it becomes, is inferred or as been, because either one types, whether it has been shown the fact that possibility should do my cabbage to that of the reason of this type, either one should enjoy some dependence of the range hypothesis our appointments which are shown, whether, these of appointment of the appointment which is shown are done."

 

[orcoholic]

A man walks into a bar with his dog. He tells the bartender that his dog can talk. The bartender says that if the dog can really talk he can drink all night for free.

The man asks his dog "What's above your head?". The dog grunts "Roof". The bartender isn't impressed - every dog says roof.

The man then asks his dog "What does sandpaper feel like?" The dog grunts "Ruff". Again the bartender claims any dog can bark ruff, and thus no free drinks.

The man then asks his dog " Who was the greatest baseball player ever" The dog snorts "Ruff". The bartender is fed up and kicks them both out of the bar.

As they're leaving, the dog looks up at his master and says "DiMaggio??"

 

[Shiva]

Just remembered this Monty Python gag today talking to Darin. Whatever your troubles, there are always worse off than you.

http://xmb.stuffucanuse.com/xmb/viewthread.php?tid=2938

 

[Hera]

Why don't lawyers take Viagra?

It just makes them taller.

 

[goldenrose]

Here's something I've not seen/heard!
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2010/paul-zerdin-ventriloquist-without-dummy-p1.php

 

[NYEric]

Not a joke but...
Subject: Fw: True Lawyer Story

Of course it happened in Charlotte, but the lawyer moved here
from New York.



Subject: True Lawyer Story



SUBJECT: BEST TRUE LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND
POSSIBLY THE CENTURY

This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina . A lawyer
purchased a box of
very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against,
among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of
these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the Insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a
series of small fires.' The Insurance company refused to pay, citing the
obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued - and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the Insurance
company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that
the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that
the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them
against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and
was obligated to pay the claim.


Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the
Insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his
loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company
had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance
claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. )))


This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal
Lawyers Award contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA ...
NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD
THINKS WE'RE NUTS

 

[goldenrose]

:rollhappy::rollhappy:
...what goes around, comes around ......
to bite you in the @$$ big time! :clap::clap:

 

[Hera]

:rollhappy::rollhappy::rollhappy::clap::clap::clap:

That was great!!!

 

[Shiva]

Eric, I'm left with two questions: Does it means that the lawyer has a criminal file from now on and if so, can he still practice law in the U.S.?

 

[NYEric]

Yes and yes.

 

[luvsorchids]

Very funny, and I hate to call B.S., but.....

http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/cigars.html

oke:

Susan

 

[goldenrose]

:rollhappy::rollhappy::rollhappy: don't we just love being taken!!!
I was entertained, how about you?

 

[SlipperFan]

It smelled of being snopsed right away.

 

[NYEric]

Funny anyway.

 

[goldenrose]

Seniors

This was passed on to me by a ST member Lil'frog, mad me laugh this morning!

The Hotel Bill

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in one of London 's most expensive hotels.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."

The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced:
"The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them," she said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this cheque is for only £50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens!:rollhappy:

 

[SlipperFan]

Very good!:rollhappy:

 

[NYEric]

 

[Heather]

Just heard this at work, cracked me up.

Chinese Joke:
Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to seem more American. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China.

 

[SlipperFan]

:rollhappy:

 

[cnycharles]

sorry, not really a joke, but..

question: If you are standing on a street corner in an american city, how can you tell who is a devout socialist?

answer: they are the ones leading the riots

'day of rage' (look out)

(btw, i'm not a socialist; i'm a general run of the mill capitalist)