D
Dido
Guest
Great now I know where the bus infornt of my house comes from
Help Support Slippertalk Orchid Forum:
G
goldenrose
Guest
:rollhappy::rollhappy::rollhappy:
D
Dido
Guest
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
Why Medical Costs are So High
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had...
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had...
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed
her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her
pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi,
sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six
thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting - no, honey,
not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No
sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my
heart" etc., etc.
Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking
loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously
angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:
"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"
My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her
pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi,
sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six
thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting - no, honey,
not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No
sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my
heart" etc., etc.
Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking
loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously
angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:
"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"
My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
Stone
Well-Known Member
:clap:
D
Dido
Guest
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or
not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup
and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it
is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near
the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON...OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or
not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup
and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it
is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near
the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON...OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
SlipperFan
Addicted
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
D
Dido
Guest
Mexican Oysters
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied,
'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied,
'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied,
'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied,
'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.
D
Dido
Guest
Subject: TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant,
Who had 8 kids already,
Three who were deaf,
Two who were blind,
One mentally retarded,
And she had syphilis,
Would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts..
Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses.
He also chain smokes
And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice,
Sleeps until noon,
Used opium in college
And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero,
He's a vegetarian,
Doesn't smoke,
Drinks an occasional beer
And never committed adultery.
Which of these candidates would be our choice?
Decide first .. No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.
Remember:
Amateurs ... Built the ark.
Professionals ... Built the Titanic
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant,
Who had 8 kids already,
Three who were deaf,
Two who were blind,
One mentally retarded,
And she had syphilis,
Would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts..
Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses.
He also chain smokes
And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice,
Sleeps until noon,
Used opium in college
And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero,
He's a vegetarian,
Doesn't smoke,
Drinks an occasional beer
And never committed adultery.
Which of these candidates would be our choice?
Decide first .. No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.
Remember:
Amateurs ... Built the ark.
Professionals ... Built the Titanic
H
Hera
Guest
That was great!
The truth is that Ludwig van Beethoven was the second of seven children born to his parents. He was the eldest surviving child, his elder sibling having died in infancy, as was common in those days. The elder deceased sibling was not, so far as is known, blind, deaf nor mentally retarded. There is no evidence that either of his parents had syphilis, although it is true that his mother eventually died of tuberculosis.
The internet is littered with pro-life websites which repeat this baseless story in lame attempts to make their point, frequently altering the factual details of the story as they see fit.
_____________________________________
Where's the scientific proof that "The Ark" ever really truly existed? Sure, it's a great story, but realistically... c'mon now!
oke:
SlipperFan
Addicted
The truth is that Ludwig van Beethoven was the second of seven children born to his parents. He was the eldest surviving child, his elder sibling having died in infancy, as was common in those days. The elder deceased sibling was not, so far as is known, blind, deaf nor mentally retarded. There is no evidence that either of his parents had syphilis, although it is true that his mother eventually died of tuberculosis.
The internet is littered with pro-life websites which repeat this baseless story in lame attempts to make their point, frequently altering the factual details of the story as they see fit.
_____________________________________
Where's the scientific proof that "The Ark" ever really truly existed? Sure, it's a great story, but realistically... c'mon now!
Oh shucks! Another myth debunked!
Where's the scientific proof that "The Ark" ever really truly existed? Sure, it's a great story, but realistically... c'mon now!
while not proof of existence, the u.s. navy built an exact replica of 'the ark' from the description in the bible, and deemed it to be very extremely unsinkable. now what are the odds that something that is a myth, could be rebuilt according to specs, and be extremely seaworthy?
you would expect a myth built in reality to be something that would roll over at the first inclination
SlipperFan
Addicted
Well, not quite true, Charles:
http://www.strategypage.com/military_photos/military_photos_200907072148.aspx
http://www.strategypage.com/military_photos/military_photos_200907072148.aspx
ohio-guy
Well-Known Member
Even the story of Noah and the flood predates the bible by thousands of yrs, occurring in several different pagan cultures before being "adopted" by the Jews, and then Christians....
http://survive2012.com/index.php/noahsark.html
http://survive2012.com/index.php/noahsark.html
while not proof of existence, the u.s. navy built an exact replica of 'the ark' from the description in the bible, and deemed it to be very extremely unsinkable. now what are the odds that something that is a myth, could be rebuilt according to specs, and be extremely seaworthy?
The Titanic was also ''unsinkable''.
yes, though if it had been built with proper materials (not with steel fired with very low grade, sulfur rich coal), it may have withstood the iceberg. just as if the world trade center buildings had been built the way the original design intended; with materials to prevent things like airplane wings from entering the outer wall and other safety points, the twin towers disasters could have been prevented. humans cutting corners to save a buck allowed disaster to happen
:rollhappy: well, that's a very interesting story!
but, what I read was from long before the existence of the internet and our being in afghanistan. thank you for the link, was interesting. so, you believe that I read an account of this, and that was what I thought was the 'ark'? maybe you're just poking fun .... I have a sense of humor so am not bothered by the possible suggestion that my reasoning is flawed enough not to be able to tell the difference one point, all joking aside; it's a fact that I read an account of a test by the navy way back when, in some book or article in the late 70's or 80's. much testing was being done for ships and planes, many which were disasters. but, just like there should be a grain of salt being applied when reading about any 'facts' on the internet; just because someone wrote a book that stated something interesting, doesn't mean that it was a fact. I also read many books of my brother's that highly exclaimed all sorts of weird humanistic things, bermuda triangle effects, all sorts of interesting but highly speculative things. unless there is a document showing the plans and construction of such a craft like the ark then stories either for or against it don't really prove anything
it's possible for any group to come up with alternate timelines for many ancient happenings, depending on what they want to believe. one thing cultural anthropologists look for as a possible support for ancient myths to actually have occurred, is how many cultures have the same belief interwoven into their history. for so many cultures, many quite far apart and with little to no contact seemingly between them, to have a record of a total flood as part of their history or mythology, lends weight to the possible credibility of that part of their collective history. odds and statistics would also support this, in that the odds of this adoption of the same point of history into so many different cultures, as a spontaneous creation separately devised in each, is fairly low
we all believe what we will believe, and it's not likely that any will change. thankfully there are places where we can say what we believe without being arrested. with the 'new spring' spreading across the globe, soon many places will not allow the sharing or exchange of different beliefs. you will either be part of the spring, or you will die or be arrested etc.
while not a joke, my mother's cousin recently told me a work story that was pretty funny. i probably won't tell it as well as he did....
"not long after being in the army, I took on a job at the nestle (I think) plant that used to be near syracuse. I was hired into a plant electrical engineer's position, but with a group of people that weren't part of the 'house/union' electrical crew. the house crew despised the other electricians and would give them the worst jobs to do. I decided that I would have 'fun' with my job, no matter what. one day, we were taking an old 'machine' offline while switching the power to an newer one upstairs; the electrical connections were up on a metallic scaffold high over the old machine, but below the floor of the new one. the voltage/amperage was quite high, so I had to work carefully. my helper was quite lazy and went over to the side and took a nap, so I unhooked the wires, pulled them out of the main conduit (which was now empty) and capped them off/sealed them off from the other machine. I then switched power to the new unit.
just about then, part of the union crew showed up and rather snottily asked what was taking so long?? I yelled over to my assistant to wake up and help me with this, and then grabbed a hacksaw and went at the main (empty) power conduit and yelled, 'hang on hang on, i'll have the power off in a second..' people started flying off of that metal scaffolding like mad... "
"not long after being in the army, I took on a job at the nestle (I think) plant that used to be near syracuse. I was hired into a plant electrical engineer's position, but with a group of people that weren't part of the 'house/union' electrical crew. the house crew despised the other electricians and would give them the worst jobs to do. I decided that I would have 'fun' with my job, no matter what. one day, we were taking an old 'machine' offline while switching the power to an newer one upstairs; the electrical connections were up on a metallic scaffold high over the old machine, but below the floor of the new one. the voltage/amperage was quite high, so I had to work carefully. my helper was quite lazy and went over to the side and took a nap, so I unhooked the wires, pulled them out of the main conduit (which was now empty) and capped them off/sealed them off from the other machine. I then switched power to the new unit.
just about then, part of the union crew showed up and rather snottily asked what was taking so long?? I yelled over to my assistant to wake up and help me with this, and then grabbed a hacksaw and went at the main (empty) power conduit and yelled, 'hang on hang on, i'll have the power off in a second..' people started flying off of that metal scaffolding like mad... "
H
Hera
Guest
That was a gotcha moment!
